I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
