so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
