guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
