I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
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