Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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