I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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