Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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