ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
