Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
