in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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