You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
we should paint friendship bongs
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