Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
