it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
