Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
