I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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