Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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