everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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