Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
