So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
