For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
