i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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