i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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