cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
