I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
