There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
