you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
