and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
