oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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