My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Randomize
