I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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