Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
