I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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