If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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