Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
