I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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