Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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