she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
