so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
