You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
