I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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