am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
