I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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