That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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