Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
