Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
