Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
