i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
