He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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