He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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