The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My cat gives me a boner
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
