I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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